||[Aug. 1st, 2005|09:50 pm]
the past few days have just been a blur to me. i found out that one of my good friends that id lost touch with sometime last year, mat died.|
mat was an amazing person. and this is not just one of those things you say after people die.
there was no one that didnt like mat. everyone he encountered was drawn to him, because he was so likable. he hated to see people suffering and unhappy, which is almost ironic and sad, because he suffered so much. but in my heart i truly believe that he fought with all he had, until he just couldnt do it anymore, and i believe that he made peace with it and the universe and finally stopped fighting. it dont think that its because he wanted to stop, but i think that it had just worn him down. it took its toll on him finally.
i saw mat cry twice, once when jons dog lucky died, and then right after he found out he was sick. he was an amazingly strong person.
mat had a silly side and a serious side. i loved his silly side. one nite we sat on my couch with a book of graph paper and red sharpies, drawing silly things like chickens and cat cannons with wheels, and the infamous "butt, no butt"... thing happened.
his silly side was beautiful.
and his serious side was so well educated and intellegent, but also compassionate and respectful. even if he disagreed with your point of view, he would always quietly let you make your point without interrupting, and he would only defend himself with statements he could back up. he was well spoken and modest.
but i can honestly (again, not one of those b.s things you say after someones dead) say the thing im going to miss most about him is his smile. he had the most amazing smile. when he smiled, the whole world knew it, and smiled back.
he was an amazing person, and you could not have asked for a better friend. i finally came out of my sulking today, because i finally realized how grateful i am to have had him in my life, even for such a brief moment. he will be missed, but never forgotten.
there is so much more i would like to say about mat, but i dont have the words, at least not yet.
and i would like to add this. next time you have extra cash burning a hole in your pocket and youre thinking that you should go buy those shoes, or those sunglasses, or whatever... id like you to consider making a donation to the leukemia and lymphoma society, the spca, or rainn. i for one will be donating what is left over from my next paycheck to lls in memory of mat.
here are some pics from our trip to saint louis, and his obituary.
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